What I Learned From My Anxiety Attack

It all started with a severe back injury at the first of January. After a while, I noticed that I couldn’t wear any of my pants anymore except some oversized black stretchy pants. I took Tylenol for the back pain—the recommended maximum dose of 4,000 mg per day. Sometimes I would take 3,000, but mostly 4,000. 

Then one evening at the end of March, Dwight said, “I see here that the maximum dose for long term use is 3,000 mg per day.” I panicked. I had read that taking too much Tylenol for a long period of time could cause liver damage, and a swollen stomach was one of the symptoms. But when I had googled Tylenol use, I misread the information about the long term recommended 3,000 mg dose.

Then I went into full-mode panic. My anxiety level hit the roof. I went into my office where my computer is and messaged my doctor on my portal to ask her if 4,000 mg was too much. I was so rattled I couldn’t concentrate. I had to send her a second message because my first message was incomplete. I tried to read a book. The words didn’t make sense. 

My body felt completely out of control. I couldn’t concentrate on anything except to visualize what it might be like to live my life with a damaged liver. I’d had a kidney transplant in 2018 and that gave me a new lease on life. How could I have ruined another organ after receiving a brand- new kidney?

I deep breathed and said to myself, I must practice what I preach about anxiety. So, I box-breathed. Most of you probably know what that is. Taking a long deep breath for at least four seconds, holding it four seconds, slowly breathing it out four seconds, and holding it four more seconds, and repeat. Some therapists recommend inhaling and exhaling and holding for more seconds than that.

I prayed Philippians 4:6,7 where the apostle Paul talks about anxiety and promises peace “which surpasses all understanding” if we ask God for it. That helped a bit. 

Still, a feeling of alarm physically overwhelmed me. My heart was pounding. I continued to box-breath and walked up and down the hallway. Back in the office, I intentionally noticed my surroundings—the framed pictures on top of the bookshelf of my children and grandchildren with smiling faces, my bird house collection on the dresser and in the bookshelves, the big picture of a basset hound on the wall. 

I knew it wasn’t a full-blown panic attack because I didn’t think I was dying at that moment. I didn’t remember feeling this anxious in forever. It’s bad, I told Dwight. 

I did what I’ve done before when I was extremely anxious. I pictured a swan-like bird in the sky and put my object of anxiety on it and it “flew away” with my burden on its back.

I sat down in my comfortable maroon chair in the living room and talked to God. I don’t remember, but I probably thought of checking Instagram, but didn’t feel up to it. Slowly the symptoms of my anxiety lessened, but they didn’t go away all evening until right before bedtime. Of course, I was still concerned about liver damage. I calmed down enough to go to sleep.

What did I learn from this nightmare? 

First, to always check with my doctor before I take a pain reliever for an extended period of time.

I’m not immune to debilitating anxiety and I’m using more tools now to make it through.

Those techniques such as box-breathing and having an ongoing conversation with God helped me cast my anxiety on the Lord. 

Noticing my surroundings did help my body feel safe. The picture of putting my burdens on the bird in the air helped me like it has before. Maybe you have some type of visual image that helps you too.

And God got me through it gradually even though it took probably three hours.

My doctor confirmed that taking 4,000 mg of Tylenol long term was too much, so she ordered lab work. The following Tuesday, my labs showed that I had no liver damage. You can imagine I was so relieved. 

Has something like this happened to you? How did you cope? 

God was so gracious to allow good health in spite of my, shall I call it neglect? Or stupidity? I know not to call myself that, but I’m just being honest.

I pray that when anxiety hits its highest peak, that God helps you cope and get through it like He did for me, or even better. And I imagine you may have had worse situations to handle, too.

Oh, and I also learned that becoming a couch potato because of my back caused my swelling stomach, and it’s not going away, so I’m walking more and I’m shopping for loose fitting clothes. My daughter’s coming over during Spring Break to go shopping with me!

- Marilyn