Living Free from the Inner Shame of Mental Illness
Have you ever felt shame over your mental disorder? I have. I didn’t notice it until 2019 when I was reflecting on my life with bipolar disorder. The hidden shame deep down inside brought tears to my eyes. Most people who know me well would never suspect it. Sometimes it’s just a fleeting moment now and then, but there are chunks of my life that led to shame when I felt that my unusual behavior when I had manic episodes disturbed my children, and I also felt guilty for the negative impact that it might have on them.
You may or may not feel this type of shame. The world champion gymnast Simone Biles gave the world a gift at the 2021 summer Olympics when she said that taking care of her mental health was more important than winning medals. I see more discussion of depression and anxiety on social media, and more people with mental illness are writing books about their experiences. Pastors reveal their own stories of anxiety or depression from the pulpit, and women in the ministry do too.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve come a long way since those times when I hid my condition from people, except for my closest friends, and then I would tell them not to reveal it to anyone else. Now I believe that there should be no stigma about mental illness because it’s just as real, valid, and common as heart disease or diabetes, and I tell others that I meet that I have bipolar disorder.
How do you feel? Perhaps you don’t feel capable to apply for a job because of your limitations and you think others might perceive you as “less than” because of that. Maybe your spouse or children find you crying more often than you would wish, and that embarrasses you. Or maybe you have behaviors that you think are causing others to shun you.
I might add that of course you don’t have to reveal your illness to everyone you meet. There’s a time and place to do that and it’s totally up to you. And it’s a wonderful thing if you’re OK with freely giving out that information to others.
I just want you to know if you don’t already, that having a mental illness doesn’t mean you’re defective. Shame over mental illness is also called self-stigma. It comes from the stigma that you think the world foists on you, and it often does. Maybe it’s the unspoken rule in your family or church that “we don’t talk about this topic.” The terrible thing is that, according to research by Philip T. Yanos in the online magazine bphope.com, “stigma eats away at hope and self-esteem which in turn hampers recovery. Self-stigma—internalizing negative stereotypes about mental illness—can be especially destructive.”
So, what’s one way to deal with that? Claim the truth that your self-esteem doesn’t depend on what others think of you. BTW, that’s pretty hard to do, isn’t it! I don’t even like to use the word “self-esteem” anymore. I prefer to call it self-worth. The self-worth I’m talking about means that your worth depends on the truth from first chapter of Genesis that you were created in the image of God. So, self-worth never changes. When God knit you together in your mother’s womb, He considered you worthy to be born. He considers you worthy to live. And you and I need to consider ourselves of great worth and value to God.
What are some ways to live free from that toxic shame that pops up in the most unexpected situations? Or nags at you when you question what others think of you?
Know that there is no shame in taking medication. People take medication for other illnesses, so why not you, so that you can live more fully and have less suffering?
Acknowledge the shame that was or is present in your life. I made a list of situations in my life in which I had felt shame in the past. I allowed myself to feel the hurt or pain the experience caused me. In some cases, I grieved. Then I tried to see those experiences from a new, more realistic perspective.
Affirm your true self worth every day. Realize your identity is not your illness. Your identity is in who God says you are.
Seek people you trust to share your story with. Studies have shown that this practice helps with recovery. Tell it in a way that emphasizes your skills and the ways you have overcome adversity.
Know that you are not alone. Far more than one fourth of the population in the U.S. have a mental disorder.
Be YOU!
The internal shame of living with what you may perceive as a stigma may be hard to eliminate completely. It’s not as simple as 1-2-3. But we can grow into maturity and face this problem head on, if it is in fact a problem for you. When shame arises, saturate your mind with the truth that you have immeasurable worth and value which no person, mental illness, or stigma can erase. Celebrate every success as you choose to live free from shame, knowing that you are beautifully made in the image of God.
*Is there any way I can pray for you today? If you want me to pray for you, please send me a message, and I will respond. You don’t have to say what it is either unless you want to. Just say, “Pray for me.” Any information you give me will remain confidential.